I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize