Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hippo gnu deer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
