And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
