Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
