What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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