i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
