happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
