Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
