There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
