just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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