My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
