Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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