my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
