i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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