I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
