woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When are your genitals available?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
