she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
