just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize