mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
