I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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