My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
