I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Randomize
