This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
