id be glad to
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
