You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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