i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
