Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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