Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
