i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
