just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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