Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
