One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we made out on top of his cat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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