what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
