that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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