What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
