everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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