I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
