I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
