I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
