omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
