DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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