I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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