OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
