but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
