I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
