then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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