Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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