so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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