good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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