My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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