Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
