You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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