He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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