there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
