apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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