yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
