Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
