theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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