no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
