My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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