3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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