What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, beer. Big fan.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
