i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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