you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
