Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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