I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
