"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you never un-have a 4some
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
