Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
