I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
