now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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