Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
