The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
