God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
