I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
