I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
