If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
