Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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