You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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