shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize