Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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