why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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