in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
