I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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