I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
