I want to have your abortion
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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