1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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