i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
