the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
