Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
